The title alone made me pause and got me thinking as I prepared to share at the WICxWellness 2026 conference this morning.
For most of my adult life, I wore a cape.
- Raising six kids.
- Running companies.
- Caring for family.
- Leading teams.
If something broke, I fixed it. If someone struggled, I stepped in. If there was pain, I tried to soften it.
Rescue and fix became my default mode. And for a long time, it felt noble. Until I realized something uncomfortable:
Just because I can fix something doesn’t mean it’s mine to fix. So I started practicing what I call mastering the pause.
- Before jumping in.
- Before solving.
- Before stepping between someone and their struggle.
Pause.
Take inventory of your life. What’s mine? What’s theirs?
Am I responding in default mode… or from a place of clarity that benefits everyone involved?
Caregiving is deeply personal. It’s emotional and organizational at the same time. And it cannot be done alone. Whether you’re caring for a special needs child, a struggling teenager, an aging parent, or leading a team through a hard season… you have to put yourself in the mix.
Caretaking includes you.
If you are not steady, everything wobbles. And here’s something I’ve learned the hard way:
When you look like you’re managing just fine, people assume you don’t need anything. If you don’t communicate clearly how to help, you’ll be the only one carrying the load.
It’s like trying to buy a gift for someone who seems to have everything. You don’t know what to give them.
- But if you observe closely.
- If you listen.
- If you ask directly.
You’ll know exactly what they need. And sometimes you have to be brave enough to say it out loud.
Here’s the shift that changed everything for me: Support without consent is control. Even when it’s loving. Even when it’s well-intentioned. Enabling reduces capacity. Empowering builds capacity. Enabling says, “I’ll carry this for you.” Empowering says, “I’ll walk beside you while you build the muscles.”
Now?
The cape is in the drawer. I know exactly where it is. If there’s real danger, I’ll grab it in a heartbeat.
- But discomfort?
- Failure?
- Mid-year slump?
- Hard conversations?
Those aren’t emergencies. They’re growth.
Caregiving today looks like asking,
- “Do you want advice or just someone to listen?”
- “Here’s where I could use help.”
- “I trust you to figure this out.”
Less dramatic and far more sustainable.
Maybe the cape was never meant to be worn all the time. Maybe it was meant to remind us what we’re capable of…and then be folded carefully and placed back in the drawer.
This is the heart of the Creative Coping Toolkit — building emotional strength in ourselves and the communities we serve.
Thank you Women in Cloud for a beautifully executed conference and powerful honest conversation. ❤️🌟
Scilla Andreen, CEO & Founder Impactful Networks